self reliance

Vanessa Abrams was at her lowest point ever. It seemed, these days. No one was giving her any attention and the only thing left to do was to look for the bad.

So what if she annoyed the hell out of Serena these days.  She could have been her best friend. A sly smile came to Vanessa as she thought of that happening. Never in a million years.

She looked in her fridge at her new Soho place. It was cozy enough. Although, lonely. What had she done to really deserve this? Nothing. She believed.

She gritted, thinking it was all Jenny's fault,  now wasn't it? All her fuck'n fault. God, where was Dan when she needed him. He was practically Serena's lap dog, no matter what.

Vanessa reached for a juice. Although, there was some cold red wine her Mom had left behind the last time she was here. Practically a whole bottle. What would it hurt? To have some. To unwind. To try to find this world kind.

She closed her eyes thinking there was nothing good in her life anymore. Even if she were in a vintage peasant blouse that hugged her frayed denim shorts. Who cared about fashion, anyway?

Vanessa pulled back her messy lock of hair behind her ear and went to pour herself a glass of wine. She would just try to forget this place and take her mind off what she could have had with Dan. It was always better in her dreams than reality. He wasn't that amazing.

She plopped herself down on her natural white futon and started to click on the TV. Although, she swore she never watched it. Lately, she had. She felt as if all her morals had been swept under the rug. Where was that girl who cared about the planet? She took a sip of her wine and as she was about to swallow, her cell rang.

She let the wine sooth her throat, her mind, her restlessness and answered it without even looking at the number, which she wouldn't have known, anyway. Why would anybody be calling her? Probably just to tell her she was bitch.

"Hullo." Her voice was drab.

"What's up, V?" That slight giggle could only be Olivia's. It took Vanessa by surprised.

"What do yo want?" Immediately, Vanessa was defensive.

"Aw, you know, we had fun, doing lots of stuff without Dan." Olivia's voice was sweet and...

"You know..."

"What? Dan dumped you? Of course, I knew, Babe." Vanessa could feel her smile, already.

"Why did you even call?" Vanessa knew she should hang up. Now.

"Come on, I'm back in town, and ..and I need an old friend to hang out with." Olivia was sincere enough. "I could meet you for a drink. Catch up. That's all."

Vanessa wasn't sure it was a good idea.

"Just one drink. That's all I'm asking." Olivia told her.

Vanessa took another gulp of red wine. "OK." She sighed. She clicked off the phone and pressed her lips tight. Someone wanted to see her. It was a strange feeling. The sad thing was, she'd really missed Olivia.